FANTASTIC TRANSFORMATIONS
Bhai Daljinder Singh’s journey!
BACKGROUND
Born into a normal Punjabi family in 1978 in Birmingham, our life was based primarily around family and work. We all lived on one road and all got on really well with each other. It was an open door policy with at least 5 or 6 families on one road. They were good times from what I can remember, from the point of view that people got on with each other. My extended family were not religious at all and still are not to this day. Instead of going to the Gurdwara they are still focused on drink and punjabi music. In my early days I always had cut Kesh (hair).
GROWING UP
After the 1984 attack on Sri Harmandir Sahib Amritsar, my father became a devout Sikh and we started to go to the Gurdwara regularly. We kept our Kesh when I was about 6 or 7 years old. My father got us involved in Kirtan (singing hymn, learning how to play the harmonium and tabla) and Santhea practice (Gurmukhi tuition) and he would always tell us Sakhia about the Guru Sahibs and great Sikh Leaders. If my sister, brother or I had questions they were promptly answered with answers that made you feel proud to be part of such a great group. I say group as then I had no understanding of what a Sikh is or what it meant. I visited India once and saw some Gurdware but because of the people I was with never really learnt anything, but I can say that I am one of those people that cannot use the excuse, that I was never taught anything about Sikhi when I was young; I had a good start!
From a personal view my santhea was going well and I would get praised regularly by my teacher. I recall the teacher who was from India, as were his children. One day he criticised his own son in front of the whole Santhea sangat saying, how good my Santhea was being British born compared to his own son’s. I felt proud of the teacher; I saw his actions as being honest.
THE CHANGE
However, I remember when I was around 16 years old, I left school and started college. My regular sangat had changed from my parents to my Punjabi friends and I became more influenced by punjabi music and ensuring I ‘looked good’. From the time my beard started growing, I would cut what Kesh I had with scissors, just to look in the mirror and think it looked better to have cut hair, than to have curly hair sticking out; so I never really had a proper beard. So without even realising it, I was turning away from Sikhi. It was around this time that Sant Baba Thakur Singh Ji and other Singhs came to our house and I was blessed enough to have had their darshan (blessed vision). I remember going upstairs and hiding, as I was scared in case they found out about me cutting my Kesh; my younger brother was also with me. However Baba ji came upstairs and questioned my brother with a hand sign, as to why he was cutting his kesh. We could give no answer but this is something I remember all the time.
I then went to University in Coventry and started to do all the usual things; drinking, going out etc . It's quite ironic that most people turn from being Punjabi to becoming Gursikh. My father gave me the start, where I was doing things a Sikh would do i.e. Santhiya, Kirtan and I still became a Punjabi – just goes to show how important true sangat is and what influence others can have on you.
FAMILY LIFE
After University, I got married and settled down with Singhni/wife (Bulbinder Kaur). Her parents too were Amritdhari but she was like me, more Punjabi and enjoyed having a ‘good time’. In the second year of our marriage my wife fell pregnant. Even before we knew she was pregnant, I remember we went to McDonalds drive through for a chicken burger meal. She took one bite into the burger and said to me, “Oh my god! I can’t eat this! Look at all the strings of meat. It feels like I’ve got magnified vision where I can really see the bits of dead flesh!!! I’m not eating this! I feel sick!” From that day on she gave up meat. It’s funny, as a lot of parents help their kids into Sikhi and help them get inspired but for us it seemed like our kids were here for that purpose. Once Gurniv Singh arrived, we settled in Leicester and both had good jobs. Singhni was a strict vegetarian now and so was Gurniv. Even to this day he feels sick at the sight and smell of meat; the same feeling Singhni got at McDonalds when she was pregnant with him.
When Gurniv was about 2 years old and despite having ‘everything’ (good jobs, a nice family, a nice house) Singhni began to feel empty. She would ask questions such as, "Is this it? life has got to be more than just work, coming home, looking after kids, going to sleep and restarting it all again". She felt empty, like a piece of jigsaw was missing in her heart- there has got to be more to life. Why are we here?
There was no spirituality in our lives at all but I did not want to change. I enjoyed going out and having a drink with my extended family and eating meat. We lived like this for a few years and after we was blessed with our second child, Sukhraj Singh, Singhni started realising that she knew no one in Leicester and wanted to make some friends, so inadvertently I sent an email off to Leicester Kaurageous group on behalf of her, to find out when their next program would be so she could meet some people. I look back now and think that I sowed the seed at this point for my return home.
She came back having attended a Kaurageous programme at the Gurdwara. There was a particular speech about Dr Masaru Emoto’s research and his experiments on water and rice which inspired her. She was told about his findings and the effects of prayer and positive thoughts on water which she linked back to Sangat and Amrit. This for her was ‘proof’ behind the effects of sangat and how Amrit is formed - bearing in mind over two thirds of our bodies are water. She started to hint that we should change and that the sangat she had met was inspiring, so loving, welcoming and had a very positive aura about them. From then on she would always get addressed with “Singhni” by a bhenji that she met at the Kaurageous programme, even though she looked the complete opposite. The respect she got when she didn’t think she deserved it by the true sangat was so overwhelming for her.
She wanted to get onto the path of Sikhi but like a lot of couples would always wait for me to change with her before she took any steps, because she wanted us to do it together. She would regularly confide with a close relative as well who one day told her to stop using me as an excuse and if she was serious about it she would take the steps herself. In the end she realised she was using me as an excuse not to make any physical changes to herself and instead she went ahead without me and lead by example. She started taking paths into Sikhi, listening to paath and growing Kesh. I, on the other hand was still reluctant to change. Our lives were going on different paths. She would do Ardaas every day to Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee, for Gursikhi jeevan for us and the children daily and the thought always brought her to tears.
There became a time where we started to attend the Leicester Friday night program's at Gurdwara and this particular Friday, I came home from work after 5pm and she opened the door to me, ready to go to the programme. She looked very different as today she was wearing a Dastaar (turban). I said to her, 'Are you going to Gurdwara like that?' and she responded saying 'Yes! I can't wait for you forever!’ There was growing tension in our relationship. She would sit in the front room with both boys and I would sit in the back whenever I wanted a drink, especially when football was on. She stopped making me meat which I completely supported. To be honest she shouldn't have to make me meat, especially if she had her reasons not to eat it anymore. But I have to say, she never forced me to make any changes; she would hint every so often but most of the time she would let me be and do Ardaas for us when I wasn’t there to watch.
After a little while I started to grow my beard but when we had a punjabi wedding to go to I would want to drink so would cut my Kesh again, so that I didn't feel guilty having a drink with a long beard. I know now how this must have messed with singhni's emotions. She would get very happy seeing me in Gursikhi roop (with unshorn hair) then heartbroken when I would change back. She would speak with sangat regularly and the whole subject would bring her to tears each time. She literally was craving this path for us!
THE POWER OF ARDAAS FROM A PURE AND TRUE HEART
One day Singhni got a phone call from a bhenji she knew, saying a very spiritual and pure soul were in Leicester at the time. Although she was told their name, she didn't know much about them but felt like she needed to go and have darshan. Maybe this was Guru Sahib listening to her ardaasa(n). Sangat was sat around and the bhenji which called her kept nudging saying, go speak with them. In the end she went closer to them but their aura was so positively overpowering that she broke down into tears. She eventually did benti to them in front of all the sangat – that she wanted the whole family to have a puran Gursikhi jeevan and told them about me. She was told to CONTINUE reciting Sri Japji Sahib jee da paath. It was amazing, because how did they know she began to recite it anyway? Baba jee asked my name and said, that they wanted to see me but I was still arrogant to say no and I remember going out that evening. They said to Singhni, not to worry and everything will be ok.
RETURNING HOME
The next morning when I woke up I felt a gush of regret in my entire body. I quickly went downstairs and spilt all the alcohol I had in the house down the sink. Singhni saw me do this and I asked if she would get me a Kanga (wooden comb and one of the 5 articles of faith is Sikhi) for my Kesh. To be honest, she had heard it all before - me wanting to change but not changing so she said NO and said that I was making fun of her and her feelings again (but in different words). This time it felt different! I swapped the bottle for a Gutka sahib that day and I went and met with sangat right away. I have a brother in law who is a Gursikh, who was also very supportive.
In my heart I know Maharaj listens to those that do Ardaas with a pure heart and they will never turn a blind eye to their beloved devotees and Gursikhs. Whatever was done or happened that night changed my life at the flick of a switch and I am forever grateful.
BACK TO SIKHI
A year or so had past and Bulbinder Kaur and I then went on a Yatra to India on our own. We met a lovely Gursikh who I still meet now and again as he lives in Canada and I realised then, that my life away from Sikhi had just been an awful dream. I had just lived in a bubble away from Sikhi for 14 years or so. I had wasted those essential years and knowledge. I did not realise the gift of life given by the True Guru. I had disrespected Sikhi, my true family. I could not help but have a go at myself and the only way to remedy this was to take Amrit. We read a story about a Singh that wanted to take Amrit and was told to come back the next morning at Amrit Vela (ambrosial hours in the morning), but sadly they passed away that night without having received the gift!! Knowing now that life and death was a cycle that could end my life at any point too, we decided to take Amrit straight away. We was told that we may have to wait until December but we was craving it so much that we couldn't even wait until the end of the week! A dear Gursikh arranged an Amrit sanchar for that weekend. It was the best day of my life. I cried on the day asking Guru Gobind Singh Ji our father for forgiveness for my sins and Singhni was in tears, and she still did not feel worthy enough to be blessed with the daath (gift), but still wanted it so bad and was scared of being turned away.
This was the beginning of my life! Singhni has found the piece of jigsaw that was missing and I have never felt as content with my life before. Sangat Ji, we are blessed to be born into Sikhi, we don't realise what a beautiful way of life we have. An honest way of life is the most inspirational. I could never see my life without Sikhi; it's the greatest learning path I will ever experience and still am experiencing. Sikhi brings out good qualities in people that I never thought were possible in this age of Kalyug. Our only Ardaas now is that Guru Sahib blesses all our children with this jeevan (Gursikhi life) as it’s truly priceless – a true treasure chest that can only be experienced, not explained. To those of us that are born into Sikh families, we have a winning lottery ticket in our back pocket. All we need to do is cash it in!
In the end all our Karam's will be judged and if I have to live my life in fear then I am happy with this, as this is the path that keeps me close to my Guru.
Guru Arjun Dev Ji Says, "Save me, O Merciful Saints (Gursikh Sangat in the presence of Guru Sahib Ji)!
You are the All-powerful Cause of causes. You have ended my separation, and joined me with God.
You save us from the corruption and sins of countless incarnations; associating with You, we obtain sublime understanding.
Forgetting God, we wandered through countless incarnations; with each and every breath, we sing the Lord's Praises.
Whoever meets with the Holy Saints - those sinners are sanctified.
Says Nanak, those who have such high destiny, win this invaluable human life."
Vaheguroo!
